A Journey into Darkness

 Written by Cristian Velasco

A Doorway to the Abyss

It’s hard to see emotional pain as something other than a curse, but Suffering is a doorway to change, one that can elevate us or destroy us. Each transformation we go through can feel as if we were dying a little, but these little deaths force us to face anguish and fear, they plunge us into the abyss, where we face dissolution and with it a chance to crystalize us into a better incarnation of ourselves.

A magician has the privilege to be aware of this process, and to try and direct it, accepting pain and embracing change. A magician can experience death more than once, and prepare himself for the final Doorway that lies at the end of his life.

Carl Jung developed a concept he named Metanoia, which he described as “a spontaneous attempt of the psyche to heal itself of unbearable conflict by melting down and then being reborn in a more adaptive form – a form of self healing often associated with psychotic breakdown”.

I fancy my Ego as a structure that serves as an interface with the inner and the outer world. The structure is reinforced by our logic and our beliefs, but also by our visceral attachments to certain views of ourselves and of the world. The structure provides us with both a perspective and a predisposition to certain courses of action.

Much like the structure of a tool may be ill fitted for a task (imagine a cup with handles that poke your eyes when you try to drink), some parts of our Ego may be ill-fitted to the world around us.

 

This ill-fittedness generates stress and friction. Our Ego predisposes us to act in a certain way, and we consequently stimulate our environment to react in a certain way towards us. This stress can keep bottling up until we have no choice but to make a choice: We either choose to combat the environment, to remove ourselves from it, or to make whatever sacrifice we need to better adapt to it.

There is no easy way to know which path we must take. There are times when we are the ones who need to change. There are times when we need to fight, and there are times where we must walk away. 

So how can we know which path is right?

A Light in the Abyss

It is my experience that in these moments of darkness, if our heart is open, humble, and willing to give in to the pain, we may find Conviction born from within, that guides us to the right answer for answers and that empowers us to face whatever we must. 

This Source of Light might be called God by some, Lucifer by others, or the HGA by some more. In my experience, whatever the name, this Light resides inside, not outside. I’ve never received an answer when I’ve prayed for one without an Open Heart. And once I learned to open it I have found that the Light I need is already inside it.

I believe I’m not the only one who has experienced the existence of this personal light. I believe this experience holds the key into Self-Initiation, which is in itself a process of growth that requires no teachers, and that happens naturally when we approach ourselves with openness, unconditional honesty, and unconditional commitment.

 

This requires a bravery that most people who still look to have the answers handed to them don’t have. This desire to be true to one’s heart will lead us to a series of crucibles that will demand us to keep us growing; but whenever we tire of fighting, and as long as we remain open to change, we will eventually find the energy to get back into the fight once more.

 

To End the Assault. To Build a New World.

We may be tempted to dismiss the importance of Personal Change especially now that the world seems to be collapsing under the weight of the incompetence and indolence of the spheres of people who we deem have the power to enact change.

But I believe there is hope. I believe there is a chance to create a new Reality built upon individual, decentralized efforts to make the world bloom for everyone. A world where Magicians become leaders in their local communities, and guide people through a personal and communitary journey of self transformation. As above so below.

Our own paths can guide us through an individual process that might get us ready for whatever role we may play in the upcoming changes. No one will hand us a Magic Script telling us what to do, and if they do, they probably want to manipulate us. Each one of us is the unique nexus of Space, Time and Perspective. We need to get past fear and indolence and embrace Change, however painful it may be.

Pain is the Gate that Leads to rebirth.