A Response to Emotional Intensity

 Written by Colton J. Jones

“My emotions feel so intense sometimes, like I can't handle them, or that I'm going to burst”


I understand what you're talking about. I think emotional tolerance is like an unseen muscle, it needs to be worked out and developed in order to be stronger. I exercise my emotional tolerance by sitting in what I'm feeling without trying to change it, or escape it. A lot of times trying to get out of what we're feeling is what's making us perpetuate that feeling.

Have you ever tried to ignore a thought, and just the fact that you're trying to ignore it makes it come back more? Sometimes, no matter how much it sucks, or affects us negatively. We've just gotta feel what we're feeling.

I think it's also important to note that a lot of times we feel the way we do for a reason. Emotional pain often comes from imbalances in our lives, and by sitting in what we're feeling, we often end up discovering, and then confronting the root of the problem.

Pain is a great teacher. When an area of our life is not healthy, or being addressed properly, our experience will be painful as a means to motivate us to work out the issue, otherwise we would never address, because even though we may not consciously see something as an issue, there is a part of our subconscious that recognizes the problem, and it will communicate that to us through our internal experience. I've noticed in myself that the intensity of my emotions grows with the amount of time I'm not addressing my issues.

Sometimes we don't know how to address the issue, or even what the issue is. This is why, in the moment of these experiences, rather than distracting myself by doing something, or by trying to change the experience (like by listening to music, eating food, or smoking or something) I choose to sit, and pay very close attention to what I'm feeling. I allow myself to feel it.

I think In DBT they call it the observer mind, the part of your brain that can experience without having to do anything about it. Once you get there, you can pay attention to where the experience is happening in the body, and you'll notice all the thoughts that come up in correlation to what you're feeling. I like to write these down, because most of the time, the thoughts that come up during my emotional experience are the problems that need to be addressed!

I remember just the other day I was feeling a bit down and depressed, when I paid attention to it, I noticed I felt lonely. And was thinking things like, "I want a hug" and that "others don't care about me" or "they wouldn't understand what i was feeling"

These thoughts are pretty indicative of the fact that a basic need of mine, that is to connect with others, and feel loved, and understood, was not being met.

Once we've discovered the needs that aren't being met in this way, we can then process a solution, rather than just attempt to get out of what I'm feeling. The solution in this example was to reach out to others, make more friends, and be the initiator for that love and understanding with others so that they know to express it back.

The needs become identified, and learn to make sure they are being met on a day to day basis, rather than only addressing them when we feel like shit. It's about establishing a baseline state of well being, so that we don't have to go through the intense emotional hardships.

I find at times I sometimes feel I need to parent myself, making sure I get all of my needs met, that I've ate nutritionally, and have been processing my reality in a healthy manner. Otherwise, I do not feel as capable at handling my existence.

I feel like you may be into some more occult stuff, so I would recommend checking out "liber librae" by Aleister Crowley. It's a useful exercise. It basically says that when you have a thought, immediately think of, or ponder/ consider those thoughts opposite. This helps balance you out at least on the mental scale which will help you regulate yourself emotionally. For example, If I think to myself " I feel miserable", I will then think to myself "but what if I'm miserable?" " maybe I just think I'm miserable, and that's what's making me feel miserable" and whether the thought is true or not, it allows the mental freedom of space to navigate what's going on internally a bit more effectively.